Psy/changeling #15 sneak peak from the ethers

so, now that we all read Nalini Singh's Shard's of Hope, who hasn't wondered who will be starring as the leading couple in the next installment?

I, for one, wondered ... a L.O.T. :-)

my conclusions so far about the next "chapter":

• the hunt for the members and the instigator of the Consortium will continue
• by the Arrows for taking Aden and Zaira
• by Kaleb for nobody plays games with big bad powerful Kaleb Krychek
• by Black Sea for taking their people
• and in a way by all the members of the Trinity Accord.
• the hunt for Black Sea's missing members will continue unabated  
• the Consortium will go active again and target more "people", either from the Ruling Coalition again or members of the Trinity Accord as well

that leads to the following suspects for the next leading characters:

• Members of the Ruling Coalition as they were targeted before
• as most are mated already (Kaleb, Ivy, Aden) that leaves NIKITA and ANTHONY as the only viable suspects on the Ruling Coalition. There were enough hints that something is going on between them. They are both powerful in their own rights but don't actually have the ability themselves to hunt and uncover the Consortium. 
• The Arrows have all the abilities, training and expertise and as Lucas said: "Identify them and we'd be happy to help you take out the trash." it feels like the Arrows are responsible for indentifying the Consortium members. 
• AXL is already in charge of the Op hunting down Aden and Zaira's captors and there is something going on between him and TAMAR. And sure uncovering the identities of the Consortium members will need loooots of "ripping apart shell companies upon shell companies". Rational fact most strongly points toward them. 
• AMIN and CRIS are another option on the Arrow team. They both have had more page time and Amin lead the team hunting down Blake so he is capable of hunting down Consortium members too. 
• I'd have put STEFAN and his unknown lover on my list of suspects too, as he is considered an Arrow and he has the connections to Black Sea, but Nalini already mentioned that she wrote a novella about him. Sorry pal, out of the run for it right at the start.
• The higest stakes right now are with Black Sea as they still have so many missing members.
• MIANE and MALACHAI have the incentive to hunt the Consortium with unrelenting focus even if they have gone quiet for the time being. They also have the expertise, training and resources to do it with their reach across the whole world. 
• The Human Alliance has missing members too and BO is unmated and completely bad ass enough to lead the hunt to dig out and uncover the Concortium with a ruthless and stealthy Black Sea lieutenant by his side. :-)

As to who the instigator of the Consortium is, my bet is on Shoshanna Scott. She had the time and politically ruthless mind to put such a big Op in play. As it is political and not militant in nature, I think she is the prime suspect.

Well, 1 month down and only 11 more to go til we know for sure. Only I already had a glimpse of the new book already. Want a look? *drumroll* ... HERE IT IS!!!!

native creative: LOOK!! Psy/changeling book 15

Isn't it perfect already? ... I hope you think so too.

Until next we "read" ....

slip-sliding through life

before I forget it ...

I've been thinking about writing blogs, how lately most are about inspirational "stuff" and wise spiritual self-help things that are good for everyone.

I've considered this for a while, turned it around and felt about it.

I came to the conclusion that I don't know anything that is good for everyone. Sometimes I hardly know what is good for me ... and then I make a different decision anyway.

Oh, I can do inspirational and have wise and self-help in buckets. I get really great insights on the occasion ... only to fall into the oldest trap ever again minutes later ... and honestly, I am not the "gracefully sitting in the same old trap"-type. I am still fighting and raging and ignoring it til it hurts bad enough for me to finally (after days of miscomfort) calm down enough to sit down and breathe and take a look at it without resistance.

So I spare you and me the motivational bullshit.

It seems to me that our current "spiritual" leaders give the appearance of their lives going smooth and effortless. While we normal types are struggling to stay upright.

Well, I can honestly tell you I am on a tricky slippery patch of road right now. It's muddy and full of surprises, steep at times, twisting ... and honestly: Have you ever gracefully walked through mud? ..  in high heels with your composure intact? ... all while spitting out motivational encouragements? ... Me neither. .. and honestly, I don't even want to ... walk in high heels, be composed or spit out anything.

still kinda graceful slip sliding through life

This is a slippery dirty part of road and I decided to just have fun and enjoy it. So if you'll hear some giggles, swearing, laughter, humphs and thumps, that's me getting down and dirty with my part of road and having fun doing it. I, for one, am not meant to glide over it like nothing happened.

the shadow of patriarchy

before I forget it ...

I've started a blog post some time ago ... about menstrual pain ... that I never finished and never published.

My thoughts from back then are still valid - the nature of the desease is nothing personal but something way bigger. 

native creative - tree hole

First time I saw that "being" it was hardly visible. I only saw a tatter of a black wing or black coat, with the sense of it being masculine. I even had a fall out with a long term therapist and friend over it, because I saw just black and "nothing". Which she thought was due to a lack of faith I had in her but in truth it was exactly the right thing, this being and nature of the desease. It has no place and is hardly visible like fallen soldiers.

I lately came to realize that this black man I see is the shadow of patriarchy and right now of humanity. Lea Hamann mentioned a sickness of humanity a few days after I had my realization, I guess calling it the sickness of humanity fits as well. It also reminds me of Nalini Singh's Dark Mind from her Psy/Changeling series. She describes it as appearing in female shape vers I always see a masculine form. But everything else fits: the malevolence, the rage, the blackness, being formed of unwanted and cut off emotions.

It also always reminds me of leprosy, as almost nothing is left of this being and I feel like I have a black hole in my belly. It's like one of those wrotten out holes in trees where a branch has been cut off and wrotten away into the core of the tree. I have a feeling there was a swing on that branch and play has been cut away.

native creative - tree with hole

Leprosy may not be a threat anymore on earth right now, but humans are loosing parts on another level still. Accoring to the shamanic world view we loose parts and pieces through trauma and the patriarchic time on earth with all its wars and fights gave humans ample opportunity to loose pieces. That hasn't stopped, we still loose parts and pieces of ourselves.

As menstrual pain is a fact of life for many women and kind of "normal", as mothers and gynologists around the world make us want to believe, it makes no sense to me. Evolution creates the most astonishing beings and processes and things, but it creates a painful and therefore energy wasting process, that weakens the female part of the population? Not even going into the "religious" believe that it is the punishment for being female. Obviously not every woman has it either. I have had pain since my first menstruation and torturing pain the last ten years or so. IT IS NOT NORMAL! It is not natural. If half of the male human population had pain of that kind, they would have found a treatment by now. They would have never ever accepted it as part of life and grit their teeth every month for 30 years or so. Let alone let themselves be called whimps.

Women of this earth, don't take the fault for this.

IS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

It is not your fault. As I see it, the nature of this desease is not even feminine but masculine and a residue of our past, of the masculine leading this past episode on earth. Don't let anyone tell you it's your fault and don't sacrifize your feminine body parts!!

Strength attracts ....

before I forget it ...

I always felt strong, even though I am a rather elfish and delicately looking human female. I felt so trapped in this weak human body. It can't run. It can't jump. It can't fly. It gets tired soooo fast.

So last week I sat home breathing and meditating and I saw my superhuman strength invite into my life the darkest meanest being!!!! WHAT THE F***??!!

So I investigated that further. My superhuman strength finds that being interesting! ATTRACTIVE! My superhuman strength finds light and love boring and unattractive. It needs adventure! HE IS TOTALLY BORED BEING HUMAN! ...and yes, he is a he. He even watched dispassionately as the tendrils of the dark being (sickness, whatever) ate his body. Superhuman strength does NOT FEEL ANY PAIN!

summary: My superhuman strength wants superhuman adventures, constantly and never ending thrilling superhuman adventures. adrenaline spiking superhuman adventures.

Superhuman adventure is kinda destructive for a human being, mostly for my human body. No, honestly for all of me. I can't keep up with the destruction my superhuman strength's adventures wreck on my body. I haven't even healed one illness when he already invites the next one in. Because he doesn't feel the pain and gets bored, while all the rest of me is wrecked by pain and sickness.

So I went and had a serious discussion, explaining to strength that he is a selfish bastard instead of a good alpha for his pack. He didn't even know that he had a pack and should have been a good alpha, he only saw and thought about himself. It is normal in our world to have strength sitting on the throne and making the decisions. Looking strong, acting strong, not showing any vulnerabilities, end of patriarchy, adrenaline and adventure seeking, .... So I got my strength of my throne for a while. I hope I have a good female leader somewhere in my arsenal that can take over and make good decisions for all of me.

I love my male and I love my superhuman strength, so it wasn't surprising for me that I had mine making the decisions.What I found surprising is, that I know many strong women. What is suprising in a bad way is, that they all struggle. I read once on facebook: "Everybody strong I ever met, had walked a hard road." I should have saved that, it was written in nicer words, but the meaning is the same.

My question: Why do strong people have a hard life?

Does the strength constantly have to proof itself? I am strong enuf? I won't break even under that much pressure, that much lack, that much pain?
Shouldn't strong people be successful? Shouldn't they bloom, flower, sow seeds and expand?
Shouldn't they have it easy?

Pippi is strong too ... is that why she has constant challenges?
Well, at least Pippi doesn't suffer :-)

Pippi, the strong (from a card)

on borders, choices and worming right on in

before I forget it ...

I had an interesting insight today ... into worm consciousness. It was enlightening really :-)

I had a pillow on the floor representing the worms when I saw them spreading out, wriggling away and some even "wriggled" up my legs. I was standing stiff and watching it happen, but not doing anything. ... It took me a while to remember I have POWER and can say NO. Then they stopped their advance.

I have the choice to say YES or NO or not say anything and that is kind of acceptance by omission and read as a yes.

So, worms can't decide, they don't have a choice. Just like trees don't throw their seeds at a special most nurturing birthing place but spread them the widest they can and hope one falls on a perfect place. Worms do that too. They spread into all directions and keep going til someone says No! Some people are like that too, they keep walking over others and take it as acceptance by omission if no NO comes. Knowing our borders and saying no to trespassers is our responsibility. We are in charge of the door to our lives. It is our responsibility to say YES or NO. But people walking into houses that are not theirs are called burglars and it's a crime. There we don't argue that the owners could have said NO, as they didn't, it was acceptance by omission.

So we knock on people's doors and wait to be invited in but we walk right over their borders? cross

The other thing I learned from the wormeys is that sometimes things come knocking at our doors for no other purpose than for us to say NO. ... I always believed things came into my life for a reason and so I kind of let everything in because ... hey, it came for a reason! Even if it hurt and I didn't want it, there must be some deeper reason behind it that the universe knows but I can't see yet. Like something to see or learn or transform or let go of. ... Never did it occur to me that the deeper reason was for me to use my human consciousness (the one that the worm doesn't have ... yet) and make a CHOICE. YES OR NO? Is this what I asked for? Do I still want this?

YES or NO?

I don't have to dance with everything that comes to my door.

ask or worm the way in?

I can if I want to ... or I can say no, move on and try your luck next door.

Who's in Nalini Singh's new novella collection?

after reading Midnight Kiss from Nalini Singh's new years eve newsletter I had to re-check the scene at Wild. After that, I just couldn't stop and re-read all the books after - again. I realized something close to the end of Vasic's book, Shield of Winter. THERE IS A LOT GOING ON ALL OF A SUDDEN!!!! I mean, lots of flirting and flirting and ... flirting!

native creative - something's going on  here

• Jaya and Abbott: There is definitely something going on between those two. Curiously, after the "I am falling for him too" scene back at the E Compound, all of a sudden there was no more mention of their relationship, just Jaya finding out about her special E Power and lots of Jaya and Abbott still at the hospital. That's it? End of story? ... I don't think so.
• Concetta and Isaiah: Definitely something going on as well ;-)
• Ivy's parents: little glimpses of something more going on ... 
• Clara, the former J-Psy and manager of Haven and her husband: ... married means something was happening and is still going on ... a J-Psy with a second life? If I don't smell a story here, I am not deserving of my predatory changeling nose.
• Stefan, the "one of us" Arrow on permanent duty at the deep sea station Alaris and his lover: As he discovered the method of redirecting Tk-Energy into water while intimate ... I claim there is more than a little something going on ... or eat my tongue.
• Alice and the wolf males: Now there is definitely something going on ... nothing specific yet, but getting there. Suspects? wolves living at the den rather than lieutenants from other sectors. single wolves we met so far: Sam, Kieran, Felix, ....

All of this was just going on in Shield of Winter!!!

native creative - flirting of the dangerous kind

  Riordan and Noelle: they already got their own story in the newsletter, but there is potential for more, I am sure.

• Tai and Evie: that is the one relationship turning serious Sienna talks to Hawke about without mentioning their names. 
• Lake and Maria: not much we know but definitely something going on.
• Jason and Nicki: they were at Wild too, something's going on here.
• Rina and Jon: ... not yet, but soon 
• Tag and Tiara: there is definitely something going on between the two powerful Forgotten Telepaths from Dev's book Blaze of Memory. They are both sooo ready to get down to business.
• and last but not least: What is going on between Nikita and Anthony? and don't tell me there is nothing going on! You don't have to be a cardinal E-Psy to know that there is something going on.

So, who is gonna make it into the next novella book? ... Could also be some of the already mated pairs having their story told like D'Arn and Sing Liu, Ava and Spence, Elias and Yuki, Simran and Ines, or someone with nothing going on right now like Lucy, Kit, Bowen, Samuel Rain, Silver Mercant or Leon Kyriakus. 
Nikita and Anthony are more like a full novel caliber, but Tag and Tiara are novella material - and I just want Jaya and Abbott's story!!
Well, I guess it will be a surprise ... until we know for sure.

body-soul connection

I am so ready to forget this ...

but I think it is important for many.

So here it is.
Actually it is unbelievable to me that we as souls about to incarnate on earth were willing to do that to ourselves only to be able to incarnate, to be here! ... Or we were so full of ourselves and believed that we would make it and that it was totally worth it?

Maybe when I leave earth and look back I will say it was worth it but right now: WHAT THE F*?

native creative - souls on earth

On to the facts:
High vibrating beings like angels or ex-humans without karma to name a few, who wanted to incarnate on earth had to come through a low vibrating human mother, because there were no high vibrating mothers on earth back then. If the high vibrating child would have brought in all its energy it would have simply kill the mother. So the child had to lower its frequency to match the frequancy of the chosen mother. In shamanic terms that means leaving lots of soul parts behind. But not only that, also power, strength ... and by withdrawing its presence the fetus couldn't fill its body and later its life with its own presence and energy anymore. As there can't be empty space, the low dark energies of the mother and the world filled the empty spaces. That created a bond, not a loving or supportive, but destructive and restrictive bond between mother and child.

For me it felt like the umbilical cord was feeding me with poison - my mother fed me with poison. It was painful, very painful and there is no way to stop it ... pregnancy is 9 month ... or a little less if I wanted to live ... and as stated before I really wanted to live. So my life started on the wrong foot, with lots of pain, anger, aggression and wanting to get out.

Unfortunately it isn't over after birth and out of the womb, as now there is lots of the mother's energy in the body of the child, a not loving connection and little to no connection between body and soul of the child.

Maybe humans can get to a state of consciousness were they don't need to know about this anymore and the connection between body and soul grows again slowly with more and more of the soul coming into the body again. I could not do it that way and neither solve this on  my own. I needed the support of  two others, a group of three, to be able to move this along.

I always had this niggling feeling that I was kind of sleep walking through my life, that I was not really living. In my dreams I was always the passenger in a car and someone else driving. Whenever I decided something good for me, I had to fight to get it. It felt like living with constant strong head wind while everything that did not serve me came easily and by itself. I was always kind of sick, nothing bad or big, but always kind of impaired, always taking this and that, but I could never hold a healthy state for long. No supplement, no therapy, not even love can balance a weak connection between body and soul.

So If you feel like your standing on quick sand and whatever you do, it just doesn't work - check your body-soul connection with a shaman or therapist you trust.

I am so ready to erase this from my memory drive now ... delete c:

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