Nalini Singh - Arrows

before I forget it ...

I feel such kinship with Nalini Singh's Arrows. I have no Psy powers, nothing dangerous at all, no offensive combat abilities and still I feel like an Arrow. I realized I tightly control myself. I constantly monitor my aggression levels. For a while I even believed myself as very aggressive even though the last time I hit someone was at age 6. It was in school and he surely deserved it. ;-)

I tightly control myself because I got convinced as a kid that I was bad, that I hurt other people. I was forced to shut up and didn't talk much for years. The perfect Psy, only talked when asked a question, always so cool, calm and collected - no friends, no bonds, no touch and NO PLAY, totally efficient, never anything without a reason. The only important thing was the mind, my intelligence, being good at school, bringing home good grades. They were just expected.

To be an arrow is to be an island.
Arrows are shadows, the walk and live in the shadows, they are the shield against the darkness.

I still control myself, mostly my emotions and the words coming out of my mouth. I had sooo much tension in my body. I was tight as a board for so many years, all that withheld expression manifesting in my body. It is better now, though I still feel the tension, mostly in my hips and sacrum, my jaw and forehead. I know now that I am not dangerous and not bad. I know now that they are not strong enough to deal with someone voicing a different truth than their own. I threatened their whole world because they believed that there is only one truth.

As all Arrows are strong personalities and taff SOBs, so am I. I still suffer at times from what I had to allow, had to do to survive, but I did not BREAK.

so ready to forget that