Nalini Singh - story telling

before I forget it ...

Nalini Singh writes paranormal romance or urban fantasy or whatever you want to call it. Why is she my absolute favorite author?

Nalini Singh - Shield of Winter

• Just because!
• But besides that, the world she created in the psy/changeling series is just soooo my world. I just want to live there as I've said before. 
• Apart from that, she writes with so much love for her characters. Every character has a unique personality, a definite character, they are authentic and integer. What they think, feel and do just fits, they are congruent.
• The story moves on in a big arch. Each book tells a bit more of the big story and moves it along. 
• That world has soooo many parallels with earth at this point in time. The whole Psy way like Silence conditioning, mind orientation, money focus and efficiency is also very dominent in our world. The same is true for it not working for humanity on earth any longer either and EMOTION being the way forward. 
• So she delivers knowledge and insights helpful for humanity right now, wrapped in a captivating story set on earth in the future. I read esoteric and spiritual books for a while until they got so dry, I couldn't get them down anymore. They got stuck in my throat because there was not real emotion in it, no water to wash it down.
• She extracts a lot of emotion from her readers, me included. I get excited about the new book, the new hero, the new story a year ahead of it being published! I reread the books over and over because it makes me happy, her characters are my friends and I love to go for a visit.

Did I say a year ahead of publishing, damn ready to forget that!

recycled candles

before I forget it ...

I've been busy this week with Gratitude and applications. BUT I found time in between for some creative stuff. It's a recycle project. All the wax is from old candles, recycled. Even the colors are just what colored wax I had and could use. I had to buy new candlewick, at least for the big candles. For the heart shaped faces I used old stumps from christmas candles :-)

recycled candles - native creative

Clearly I need more candle molds for more variations :-) I started experimenting with layers and I am excited about any new ideas coming up next.

So not ready to forget it.

the magic

before I forget it ...

I made some pain fueled decisions in the last days and that got me getting a never read book of the shelf. It's THE MAGIC from Rhonda Byrne and I will do the 28 days following the book in resetting the mind with gratitude. When I bought it, I couldn't write down what I wanted the magic to do, to bring into my life. As of my previous post, that is not an issue anymore. Now I am running out of paper with all my wants. I am ready to start with the 10 thank you's of the day, even though I should start that tommorow morning. I already know soo many things I am grateful for. I want to start NOW!

forgot already to puplish it :-)

what I really want

before I forget it ...

"You cannot focus upon unwanted and receive wanted." Esther Hicks.

So, well .. no more fishing in the small-fish-pond.

colorful BIG fish :-)

here it comes ... what I REALLY WANT:

• peace on earth, I don't care if some people like Thor or Superman find that boring and loose their profession and reason for being. I WANT PEACE - end of story.
• a hobbit house with garden, a big one with looots of space around it, forests and a river and not too many Hobbitse around. Just me and my house and garden and nature. - and wild animals and spirit animals and air, and looooots of space. - and elfs.  - heaven.
• FREE TIME ALL THE TIME! I get to do whatever I want whenever I want it.
• I create what I enjoy, do what I have fun doing and if someone likes it, I give it to them. Likewise if I see something I like, it is given to me. You pay it forward, not back to the person who has given it. Paying forward creates a big never ending flow. Everybody gives and everybody gets what he needs. easy.
• clearly I also want internet at my hobbit house so I can keep writing my blog :-)
• and loooots of books.
• PLAY all the time. and sleep. and playmates. It's more fun playing together. yeah playmates!! 
• sleeping and resting and breathing and dozing and cosing and day dreaming and laughing! How can I forget laughing! laughing and jokeing and imbing and giggling and ...
• dancing in the rain and dancing in the dark and dancing together around a fire and dancing earthy polka and dancing sexy salsa and dancing coolio streetdance ...
• I forgot the motorbike. I sooo want a motorbike. It's like freedom and the wind and the sound and vibration, and the power!!!  - and cool and awe and more awe.
• shapeshifting I also want that. running through the woods, soaring the winds, and diving and jumping the oceans. Who wants to be stuck in this human form anyway?
• I guess that is actually all that I want - a big natural house, peace, playmates and all the time to fill it with laughter and creations. That's not much really. 

yeah

easy

 

Just an all time VACATION!!!!!

 see ya there self :-)

native creative :-)

before I forget it ...

here are some thing I created lately.

Bluebell aka Illium - native creative

name plate - native creative

wild berry wall color - native creative

heart shaped door knob  - native creative

monkey knot and grandpa hat lamp shade

tooth brush mug - native creative

upcylced planting bags - native creative

punk style new shorts - native creative

some in progress projects:

• flower pedal shaped lamp shade
• mosaic snake on round river stones
• earring display on old potato bag (coffee bag would be nice)
• old ironing board converted into story board
• blackboard 
• couch table made of old thick piece of wood and some legs
• stand up lamp made of a birch branch
• dreamcatcher made into  a tree branch
• ..... 

order of creation not predestined and open to spurs of the moment. :-)

[to be continued]

mourning project update

before I forget it ...

I created 18 granny squares so far - one for every day since I started. I still use the practice yarn I got and it creates squares like that.

altar and mourning squares - native creative

I also created an altar for my dead girl. I light a candle whenever I feel like it. I created it with stuff my girl would have liked, outdoor nature stuff, fairies and angels.
It feels good to have a fixed place for it. I will keep it as long as it feels right, as long as it is nessessary. Aaand when I am done with the squares or that one ball of wool I will decide what they will be together, a planket, a pillowcase, a throw, whatever it wants to be then :-) ... Or I'll even start with some other kind of yarn and add more different looking squares. Who knows?

already forgot it.

Nalini Singh - Aden's woman

before I forget it ...

I remembered some more unmated females mentioned throughout the series.
Marsha Langholm, Gia Khan, Keisha Bale (Ming's M-Psy supervising Arrows)

There was a rumor that there is more than friendship between Aden und Vasic but that threat has desintegrated.

There are some obstacles his woman will face.

Faith Nightstar's vage glimpse of a female when looking into Aden Kai's future

 

• For one he can't leave the net and he can't leave the Arrows. So if she is a changeling she has to leave her pack and the Arrows will be her new pack. Aden's woman will have to be comfortable with the Arrows.
• A fellow Arrow female will be comfortable with the Arrows as she is one of them. We know of Cristabel and Zaira, and Keisha Bale, Ming's M-Psy, but here the chances for a more intimate relationship are small as Aden has telepathically influenced her  to sign death certificates of not dead Arrows without her knowledge.  One more possibility is an Arrow woman we haven't met yet. Aden knows all Arrows since he has been part of them since childhood. So if she is an Arrow he will have known her for a while, except she is a juvenile. Even then he will have known her for a while. That leaves the question: Why now? What is different now?
• She will have to move to "his place" or Arrow Central Command as he can't teleport.That holds true for a human, changeling, Psy or Forgotten, as long as she can't teleport him around. No, he needs to be at Arrow Central Command.
• There are rumors around the Psy Net about Silver Merchant as a possible candidate. If she has the rumored Illusions ability and her chilled frosted perfect Psy exterior is only an illusion, ... maybe ... just ... maybe.
• If she is one of the Forgotten, she will have more than one obstacle to work out. Can they be part of two different Nets? If not, who will join whom? As Aden needs to be on the Psy Net as the leader of the Arrows, it has to be her. Can Forgotten even rejoin the Psy Net now? Not that any sane person would want to now with the state of the Psy Net. Would she risk it? (note to self: more digging on the Forgotten needed. f.e.: if anyone ever tried to rejoin the Psy Net and how it went)
• As Aden had a meeting with Devraj Santos about the shared challenge of training some of the kids, it is possible he meets someone new there, like the Forgotten person in charge of training. Devraj took charge of finding someone for William last time, but maybe that was because he is his next of kin. Maybe they have someone in charge we don't know of yet. There is a woman on the board in charge of education, but that might mean Shine scholarships, schools, grades, professions not Psy ability training.
• If she is human, like Lilli, Bowen's adopted sister (note to self: what would he have to do with her?) she will not have the issues with the Psy Net but ...
• Any woman will have the problem of connecting to him. Does he have any weak spots? How does she get through to him? (note to self: I still believe a teacher/trainer for the young Arrow kids holds the best cards, no matter what race.)
• I am sure Aden will surprise us plenty - and I am so looking forward to it. Now I can forget it to be really surprised later :-)

Nalini Singh - Ming LeBon

before I forget it ...

can someone kill Ming now please? or yesterday even better?

I was curious and did some very illegial hacking and BINGO! I found this on some very non-existant server in a non-existant database belonging to SnowDancer:

Ming is a dead man walking reconnaissance:

personal Ming facts:

• military mastermind (I outthought him once, I can do it again)
• Psy Councilor
• Ex-Arrow
• leader of the Arrows before they shift their allegiance
• trained in mental combat
• Trainer of Judd Lauren
• Trainer of Sienna Lauren 
• wanted Sienna to become his protégé before the rehabilitation order
• has very white skin, not albino but close
• has very few white stars in his cardinal eyes
• has a birth mark on his face
• was in charge of Protocol One, the implant lab, its relocation, security, its destruction, ...
• Katya's shadow man
• got almost killed by Katya, fortunately for him, he survived a shot to the head
• very skilled at mental programming
• cardinal Telepath?
• master shadow game player
• gave the Arrows the order to eliminate Judd Lauren
• "cares" only about the only true Teleporter in the Net - Vasic
• supported Pure Psy and Councilor Henry Scott with military strategy
• has the strongest military force in the Psy Net
• had made attempts to coerce and/or eliminate: the Arrows, the Lauren family, Amara, Ashaya, Ekaterina - Katya, Forgotten kids through Lizard man, Dev Santos - Director of Shine through Katya, Hawke and Luc through Pure Psy, as well as both packs through Pure Psy, furthermore: Judd, Sienna, Kaleb, and Vasic. (anyone he hasn't tried to eliminate yet?)
• has his home base in Europe
• carries an X-burn mark across his chest
• has no more Arrow support or access to Arrow facilities
• has a death sentence hanging over his head (feral grin)
• has a crystal clear cutting mental voice and star
• keeps the Psy Net in Europe stable at present
• knows about the X fire, no surprise moment there
• he is vulnerable only to 

Hawke! stop it ... or not  .... [end of file]

manifestation

before I forget it ...

when I watch winter sports on TV, they always talk about having a goal and putting everything behind that goal. They talk about hard training, repetitive training until the body does things by instinct. They talk about mental training.

For me observing competitive athletes is full of insights about creativity and manifestation. They all want to win and mostly it becomes reality for only one person. All sure do all of the above, train hard, have the goal of winning and so on.

So why does one win and not the other?
I believe not the best athlete always wins but the best manifestor, the best at creating reality. What creates reality?

• passion, fun, joy, happiness 
• believing yourself invincible - like the positive feedback loop of people on the roll. 
• being able to imagine yourself winning
• right place and right time
• and most important: allowing yourself to fail, to do a shitty job, to do it all "wrong".

Have you ever tried to do something outstanding? On the first try? Like paint a piccasso if you never have held a paint brush before? Even if you just wrote a song that turned out to be a raving success, how to write another one? It will only turn out mediocre if you push yourself and put expectations up to high.

PLAY - FOOL AROUND WITH IT - HAVE FUN - 

DO YOUR WORST AND CREATE SOMETHING AWFUL AND UGLY! 

native creative from flow magazine

It will make you relaxed and easy and loose and you'll be having fun!

• sixth, seventh and eighth sense.

Just watch ski racers, they are so focused and concentrated, sooo totally in the zone and not really here. They will probably never admit it or may not even know they are doing it, but the use everything: instinct, intuition, knowing, whatever else there is.

• letting it happen

There is a time to push yourself and a time to let it happen. You sow the seeds, you water and care, but you can't make the seeds sprout. They will when it is time. You can create the perfect condition for that seed to grow and grow strong. But you can't push it do grow, can't force it to grow. 

cosmea bud

• forget about it and it will manifest even faster :-)

Nalini Singh - untraceable research notes on Aden

before I forget it ...

I love mysteries and puzzles. Each new book is a great new mystery I am hardly able to await. So I did some in depth research on Aden. He is rumored to be the hero of the new book. Here is what I found. My research notes are securely encrypted and hidden behind layers of security and unable to hack, of course.

Aden facts:

• He is the leader of the Arrows.
• Both his parents were Arrows.
• He has training as a field surgeon, so he has some M-Psy abilities.
• He saved Dorian's life when he was shot through the cariotid.
• He was never on jax as he was trained to oversee the jax use on Arrows.
• He is a Telepath with a very delicate touch, which makes him appear weaker than he actually is.
• Vasic is his brother in all but blood.
• He was trained by Walker amongst others.
• Walker showed him how to hide his "strength".
• He has protected other Arrows since he was a kid.
• He broke into Kaleb's shield when the Squad shifted allegiance.
• He echos body postures.
• He is of Asian descent.
• He is very intelligent. (finding Henry Scott by searching for M-Psy treating severe burns)
• Kaleb Krychek wonders how Ming LeBon could not have seen his intelligence and seen him as a threat.
• He is always thinking years ahead. 
• Politics is his field of expertise.
• He is now in full control of the Arrow Squad's school rooms. 
• His full name is Aden Kai.
• His place in the Arrow Squad was shaky as a kid, but is rock solid now.
• He is alpha of the Arrow Squad.
• Not to forget, he is good looking with long curled eyelashes, if you like your men icy.
• He did not act on the order from Ming LeBon to eliminate Judd.
• (note to self for later consideration: Is there anything he can't do?)

rumored shadow of Aden Kai

some more from the rumor mill ... possible but unconfirmed:

• His parents died in a staged accident, their bodies never found or DNA traced, so they might have been the first two to create an escape hatch and might now be part of the Venice Arrows, if they are still alive.
• working alongside Kaleb to seal the fracture in the Net, she shows strength of cardinal power, but doesn't have cardinal eyes. So he can either amplify his powers (like Katya and Kaleb) or ... something else.
• Nalini mentioned an Illusions ability but so far we never met anyone with it.
• He already has M and TP, does he have the Illusions ability too?
• It would explain how he can appear of now interest and hide his presense and will.
• Aden is so not seeing himself with anyone, not even the strongest Forseer can see a woman in his furture yet.
• What Walker tought him helped him stay sane. He tells Judd it helped more Arrows to stay sane, but not directly says one of them was him. 

open story threads and some questions:

• the assassination of Ming LeBon
• the new training for Arrows and newly drafted Arrow kids outside the Silence Protocol
• the training of all Psy kids outside Silence
• the fracturing Psy - teaching them how to handle emotion and feelings again
• Is the Psy Net "healed"? The corruption contained? Do the Net Mind and Dark Mind need to merge again? 
• Is it now "safe" being hocked into the Psy Net?
• Where the hell is Shoshanna and what is she secretly up too? She is not just gonna roll over ...
• rapid response team: for violence caused by the infection or/and mass scale only or also for violence caused by fractured Psy that is not caused by the infection?
• What's going on between Nikita and Anthony behind des scenes? (note to self: I believe Nikita has some E herself)
• There aren't many unmated female characters left, that we know of: Shoshanna, Silver, Lucy, Alice, Amara, two Forgotten females on the new board Eva and ...., one of the other E's: Brigitte or Lianne (note to self: highly unlikely), Cristabel Rodriguez, Zaira - leader of the Venice Arrows,  Eben's mom, Nikita, now that would be irony of faith as he "jokes" about Vasic and Nikita to Ivy, ... (note to self: more digging needed, as of yet list incomplete)
• Jaya and Abbot mated?
• Who is the father of Sienna and Toby?

likely hea:

•  no glue! (note to self: not enough puzzle pieces and too many fucking pieces missing! ... rips out hair ... grrrr ... no wiff, no trail ... need to get Dorian digging ... f***... crash ...

 [end of file]

Nalini Singh - Judd

before I forget it ...

I am totally on team JUDD. Carassed by Ice was my first book and Judd just ... well, noone comes close to Judd. All males in the series are cool and edible, but Judd, ex-Arrow and Rebel and grrrr yummy.
He even gets a fanclub in the series later on, complete with I love Judd and Judd is my boyfriend T-shirts. I had to have one. Not a generic one, I made Judd MY boyfriend.

Judd is my boyfriend - native creative

My hair might be sticking every which way due to Judd's telekinesis. I couldn't find two of the same shoes in my deliriously happy dreamy state. But it matters nothing because JUDD is MY boyfriend!

If you want to know more about Judd, read his book. I am not gonna tell you anything.

Just in the native creative department I was thinking about doing a "the ghost is my shadow" shirt ... Can't do it though, until he gets a fanclub, which is unlikely as he is feared more than anything. "I love the ghost" is out of the question. What the heck, I don't care about the ghost, he gets too much attention already and  now he sneaked in here too and got himself prime time. aaaaarrrgggg

 time to forget ....... what?

Nalini Singh - changelings

before I forget it ...

I love love love Nalini's changelings, her shape shifters - all of them, but mostly the apex predators.

Strength is for protecting. (Stroke of Enticement)

It just calls to me, calls to my soul, my being. The leopards and wolves, they are not afraid of strength. They respect strength in all its variations: strong personality, strong will, spine, strong body, whatever. To be strong is a good thing, for males and females. They hold their leaders to taff standards. They protect all children, the young and the old who can't protect themselves. They want their kids to grow into their strength, whatever it is. They want each and every one of their pack to become what they are meant to be. They support every pack member in that growth. It's an unresistable lure for me. Being left alone to be who I want to be is good, but being supported ... wow.
 

my Bruno - a norwegian viking

Being supported into becoming the big strong massive tree I am meant to be. ... HEAVEN and actually natural and normal, at least to me. The wild, everything is so natural and normal to me, while this whole "weak is safe" is abnormal. Education here is more like cutting away all growth and shaping everyone into the same hedge. Just like the Psy do with their kids and conditioning them to be silent. The changelings live emotion, the are emotion. Their emotions are sometimes wild and overwhelming when it is anger, rage, possessiveness, or protectiveness. But they also play and tease, and they allow all emotions. For them, emotion and feeling is a strength, not a weakness. They are also strongly physical and use their minds. They are wild beasts and also human. It's just perfect, the mix, the balance. It is perfect for me.
 

Ipomoea - being what it is meant to be

To be allowed to be all I am meant to be.

... not forgetting that ... rrraaauurrr ...

Nalini Singh - Arrows

before I forget it ...

I feel such kinship with Nalini Singh's Arrows. I have no Psy powers, nothing dangerous at all, no offensive combat abilities and still I feel like an Arrow. I realized I tightly control myself. I constantly monitor my aggression levels. For a while I even believed myself as very aggressive even though the last time I hit someone was at age 6. It was in school and he surely deserved it. ;-)

I tightly control myself because I got convinced as a kid that I was bad, that I hurt other people. I was forced to shut up and didn't talk much for years. The perfect Psy, only talked when asked a question, always so cool, calm and collected - no friends, no bonds, no touch and NO PLAY, totally efficient, never anything without a reason. The only important thing was the mind, my intelligence, being good at school, bringing home good grades. They were just expected.

To be an arrow is to be an island.
Arrows are shadows, the walk and live in the shadows, they are the shield against the darkness.

I still control myself, mostly my emotions and the words coming out of my mouth. I had sooo much tension in my body. I was tight as a board for so many years, all that withheld expression manifesting in my body. It is better now, though I still feel the tension, mostly in my hips and sacrum, my jaw and forehead. I know now that I am not dangerous and not bad. I know now that they are not strong enough to deal with someone voicing a different truth than their own. I threatened their whole world because they believed that there is only one truth.

As all Arrows are strong personalities and taff SOBs, so am I. I still suffer at times from what I had to allow, had to do to survive, but I did not BREAK.

so ready to forget that

filling emptiness

before I forget it ...

humans constantly fill their emptiness.

• with work. workoholics has nothing to do with surviving, earning enough money to enjoy life.
• with kids. It's a respected way of filling the void inside and kids fill it with happiness and joy.
• with a partner. no words needed.
• with addictions, illnesses, whatever gets attention and care.
• with hobbies. 
• with drama. and the neighbors always offer something to complain and talk about ;-)
• with emotion. nothing fills emptiness better than anger. 
• with internet!!! 
• with shopping.
• ......

Life keeps us so busy that most of us never get the chance to feel the emptiness that drives us to constant action. On the other hand we also create emptiness on purpose consciously to protect us from hurt. If someone close to you dies, it rips out part of your heart. When Sirius Black died, Harry Potter's godfather I was devastated for days. My devastation was in no relation to the source. It was heart destroying, world collapsing, universe imploding,  and soul shredding. I realized I had experienced loss, debilitating loss and it was still there, raw, fresh, an open bleeding wound. I protected myself most of my life by not creating bonds with others. I always kept myself distant. Oh, I can laugh and make jokes, I interact, I have friends but I never really let anyone in.  Not the soul shredding way in. I protect myself from pain and therefore keep my heart "empty". It's not conscious, it's just there, instinct by now.

I believe the difference between filling the emptiness and the real deal is pain. To fill the emptiness inside us we choose things that don't hurt us when loosing them. It doesn't really matter if they are here or not, for example people we don't really care about but keep us busy. The real deal always comes with a chance of pain, people we care about can hurt us.

Which brings me to the most probable reason for the emptiness in the first place: SELF-PROTECTION.

It comes in waves, the realization that life flows by me and that I am not alive.The need to feel alive, to experience everything life on earth has to offer crashes with the deep instincts to protect myself from harm, from hurt. I am very aware right now when and how I fill my emptiness. Mostly I read, right now Nalini Singh's psy/changeling series. That world has so many parallels it's scary. But I also sleep more than nessessary. 

before I forget it, it's ok to fill the emptiness, to protect myself. It is ok. Nothing wrong about it.
All is allowed to be here.

emptiness

before I forget it ...

currently I am ... grrr ... stuck. I feel stuck and yeah.
There is this topic that I can't solve/handle/deal with/transform/.......
It it totally familiar and has been part of me and my life for a very long time.
I don't want to say forever because it is not a natural soul state, but I believe most humans do have it. I believe almost every human has a part of his life that is empty, some more, some less.

Linde found a soul aspect of mine at the soul retrieval, a kid that is empty. So I had that part for a long time. But also I willingly emptied my life. Imagine a garden, I ripped out every flower, every plant, everything til the bare ground was there with nothing on it. I ripped out all my likes and passions and threw them away. I was searching for god, for myself, for my essence - for who I really am. I created a desert. I created death. It sound horrible doesn't it. But that is the way of science. They kill the living being to search for life in the dead cells, to understand life through death. But life has gone, spirit has gone. All that is left is matter.

The desert under night sky filled with stars is my picture for the most masculine energy, the cosmic. It's freedom to me, beautiful and sooo peaceful - an endless view in all directions - heaven.

desert egypt

Furthermore I did clean my life of energies of others. I got kind of obsessed with it. I wanted to be the ONLY POWER in my life. I wanted to be the only creator in my universe. Well, I still want to, but I am kind of starting to see that I will need some kind of co-creation if I don't want to be  a hermit, totally alone on an island in the middle of nowhere.

I just remembered a vision I had! I was near a deserted house in a desert. The house had been abandoned, it was dusty but the structure of the house was good, stable, totally ok. In that vision I wanted to play so I created a tree and a swing on it. I did not understand the vision, it was meant to tell me my life's purpose. :-)
Well, it is very simple actually. There were no neighbors, no other people, .. it was vacant, empty,  waiting for me to come back and LIVE. It's like a white canvas ready to be painted. I really just have to fill my life with live.

It sounds easy when I know how it feels to fall into that emptiness, numbness and vacuum where nothing can reach me. I might hold on to it also, as it was my safety as a kid. I hid in that emptiness when things got to hard for me and imagined myself into a colorful place where I had the power to create my own life.

forget or not forget?