on borders, choices and worming right on in

before I forget it ...

I had an interesting insight today ... into worm consciousness. It was enlightening really :-)

I had a pillow on the floor representing the worms when I saw them spreading out, wriggling away and some even "wriggled" up my legs. I was standing stiff and watching it happen, but not doing anything. ... It took me a while to remember I have POWER and can say NO. Then they stopped their advance.

I have the choice to say YES or NO or not say anything and that is kind of acceptance by omission and read as a yes.

So, worms can't decide, they don't have a choice. Just like trees don't throw their seeds at a special most nurturing birthing place but spread them the widest they can and hope one falls on a perfect place. Worms do that too. They spread into all directions and keep going til someone says No! Some people are like that too, they keep walking over others and take it as acceptance by omission if no NO comes. Knowing our borders and saying no to trespassers is our responsibility. We are in charge of the door to our lives. It is our responsibility to say YES or NO. But people walking into houses that are not theirs are called burglars and it's a crime. There we don't argue that the owners could have said NO, as they didn't, it was acceptance by omission.

So we knock on people's doors and wait to be invited in but we walk right over their borders? cross

The other thing I learned from the wormeys is that sometimes things come knocking at our doors for no other purpose than for us to say NO. ... I always believed things came into my life for a reason and so I kind of let everything in because ... hey, it came for a reason! Even if it hurt and I didn't want it, there must be some deeper reason behind it that the universe knows but I can't see yet. Like something to see or learn or transform or let go of. ... Never did it occur to me that the deeper reason was for me to use my human consciousness (the one that the worm doesn't have ... yet) and make a CHOICE. YES OR NO? Is this what I asked for? Do I still want this?

YES or NO?

I don't have to dance with everything that comes to my door.

ask or worm the way in?

I can if I want to ... or I can say no, move on and try your luck next door.

Who's in Nalini Singh's new novella collection?

after reading Midnight Kiss from Nalini Singh's new years eve newsletter I had to re-check the scene at Wild. After that, I just couldn't stop and re-read all the books after - again. I realized something close to the end of Vasic's book, Shield of Winter. THERE IS A LOT GOING ON ALL OF A SUDDEN!!!! I mean, lots of flirting and flirting and ... flirting!

native creative - something's going on  here

• Jaya and Abbott: There is definitely something going on between those two. Curiously, after the "I am falling for him too" scene back at the E Compound, all of a sudden there was no more mention of their relationship, just Jaya finding out about her special E Power and lots of Jaya and Abbott still at the hospital. That's it? End of story? ... I don't think so.
• Concetta and Isaiah: Definitely something going on as well ;-)
• Ivy's parents: little glimpses of something more going on ... 
• Clara, the former J-Psy and manager of Haven and her husband: ... married means something was happening and is still going on ... a J-Psy with a second life? If I don't smell a story here, I am not deserving of my predatory changeling nose.
• Stefan, the "one of us" Arrow on permanent duty at the deep sea station Alaris and his lover: As he discovered the method of redirecting Tk-Energy into water while intimate ... I claim there is more than a little something going on ... or eat my tongue.
• Alice and the wolf males: Now there is definitely something going on ... nothing specific yet, but getting there. Suspects? wolves living at the den rather than lieutenants from other sectors. single wolves we met so far: Sam, Kieran, Felix, ....

All of this was just going on in Shield of Winter!!!

native creative - flirting of the dangerous kind

  Riordan and Noelle: they already got their own story in the newsletter, but there is potential for more, I am sure.

• Tai and Evie: that is the one relationship turning serious Sienna talks to Hawke about without mentioning their names. 
• Lake and Maria: not much we know but definitely something going on.
• Jason and Nicki: they were at Wild too, something's going on here.
• Rina and Jon: ... not yet, but soon 
• Tag and Tiara: there is definitely something going on between the two powerful Forgotten Telepaths from Dev's book Blaze of Memory. They are both sooo ready to get down to business.
• and last but not least: What is going on between Nikita and Anthony? and don't tell me there is nothing going on! You don't have to be a cardinal E-Psy to know that there is something going on.

So, who is gonna make it into the next novella book? ... Could also be some of the already mated pairs having their story told like D'Arn and Sing Liu, Ava and Spence, Elias and Yuki, Simran and Ines, or someone with nothing going on right now like Lucy, Kit, Bowen, Samuel Rain, Silver Mercant or Leon Kyriakus. 
Nikita and Anthony are more like a full novel caliber, but Tag and Tiara are novella material - and I just want Jaya and Abbott's story!!
Well, I guess it will be a surprise ... until we know for sure.

body-soul connection

I am so ready to forget this ...

but I think it is important for many.

So here it is.
Actually it is unbelievable to me that we as souls about to incarnate on earth were willing to do that to ourselves only to be able to incarnate, to be here! ... Or we were so full of ourselves and believed that we would make it and that it was totally worth it?

Maybe when I leave earth and look back I will say it was worth it but right now: WHAT THE F*?

native creative - souls on earth

On to the facts:
High vibrating beings like angels or ex-humans without karma to name a few, who wanted to incarnate on earth had to come through a low vibrating human mother, because there were no high vibrating mothers on earth back then. If the high vibrating child would have brought in all its energy it would have simply kill the mother. So the child had to lower its frequency to match the frequancy of the chosen mother. In shamanic terms that means leaving lots of soul parts behind. But not only that, also power, strength ... and by withdrawing its presence the fetus couldn't fill its body and later its life with its own presence and energy anymore. As there can't be empty space, the low dark energies of the mother and the world filled the empty spaces. That created a bond, not a loving or supportive, but destructive and restrictive bond between mother and child.

For me it felt like the umbilical cord was feeding me with poison - my mother fed me with poison. It was painful, very painful and there is no way to stop it ... pregnancy is 9 month ... or a little less if I wanted to live ... and as stated before I really wanted to live. So my life started on the wrong foot, with lots of pain, anger, aggression and wanting to get out.

Unfortunately it isn't over after birth and out of the womb, as now there is lots of the mother's energy in the body of the child, a not loving connection and little to no connection between body and soul of the child.

Maybe humans can get to a state of consciousness were they don't need to know about this anymore and the connection between body and soul grows again slowly with more and more of the soul coming into the body again. I could not do it that way and neither solve this on  my own. I needed the support of  two others, a group of three, to be able to move this along.

I always had this niggling feeling that I was kind of sleep walking through my life, that I was not really living. In my dreams I was always the passenger in a car and someone else driving. Whenever I decided something good for me, I had to fight to get it. It felt like living with constant strong head wind while everything that did not serve me came easily and by itself. I was always kind of sick, nothing bad or big, but always kind of impaired, always taking this and that, but I could never hold a healthy state for long. No supplement, no therapy, not even love can balance a weak connection between body and soul.

So If you feel like your standing on quick sand and whatever you do, it just doesn't work - check your body-soul connection with a shaman or therapist you trust.

I am so ready to erase this from my memory drive now ... delete c:

....
....

things I wouldn't mind 2015

before the year starts ...

apart from the things I put on my "what I want 2015" list, there are many things I wouldn't mind:

• being totally fit and healthy
• having to ride my brandnew motorcycle around for no other reason than that I enjoy it
• swimming again with wild dolphins at Sataya or Maledives would do too

dolphins at Sataya

• roaming Dark River and Snow Dancer territorry 
• having to read a new Nalini Singh book every month for a year
• enjoying free coffee for a year at Sbux

best compination ever: Nalini Singh and coffee

• hopping up to Oslo for the Holmenkollen ski jumping and participating in the Norwegian crazy
• instant magicing a bachelor thesis
• full body experiencing another Pentatonix life concert .. or two or three

Pentatonix meet and greet

• finishing that darn granny square "sadness" project
• being forced to create more recycled candles because they sell so well
• being busy doing shamanic travels and soul retrievals 

pamela.abraxxs.com

• experimenting with a self harvesting plot or a small garden plot around here
• waking up one morning not in my human body but shape shifted in a feline predator's furry body ... I would totally freak and panic .. but it would so be worth it ;-)

welcome to my world

before I forget it ...

after I finished the review blog last night, I thought: If I was to create my own world, how would it look like? If I would have the opportunity to create earth right now, how would I do it?

There are really cool things about life on earth, things that make it worth while being here. For one living inside my own creation. Isn't that cool? As I paint the landscape of my life I also simultaneously live inside that landscape. I am the outside the painting "painter" and at the same time inside the painting "explorer". And that exploring and experiencing is not etheric but REAL! That painting is physically manifested and REAL! And changing constantly according to the feedback the explorer gives to the painter. Even the explorer inside the painting is REAL. I have a physically manifested body that lets me experience with all senses.

native creative - diversity

So, obviously I would keep that.

Buuuut .. yeah, you knew that one was coming :-)
But I would open up the limitations drastically. I create my own world as do you, but still our worlds are very similar. I would allow lots of very different worlds to coexist on earth at the same time. Just like we have different plays on every stage that exists on earth right now. They don't have to play the same play either.

What would I play on my stage?
Well, you might think you are in middle earth because I would not have this stereotype human in my world, but lots of different beings like elves, dwarves, angels, humans with wings, shape shifters, ... giants, dragons, fairies, mermaids, ...  blue hair, green skin, webbed feet, whatever, I would do without vampires though :-)

Imagus - elf with dragon

MAGIC yeah, come on and let's PLAY!!!

I would keep the life style: indoor toilet, warm water, heating and pre-hunted food. Also technology: mobile phones, wifi and water fueled cars and flyers, but I'd make it "natural" with less impact on nature. Kind of back to nature and foward into space. And I'd fuse technology with magic and superpowers.

I would allow mental superpowers like telekinesis and telepathy, emotional superpowers like empathy and also spiritual superpowers. I would allow every being to be powerful in whatever way they are. I just love diversity. It would be so much more interesting walking around seeing the surprises coming my way.

And yes, I would allow instant healing and MIRACLES to be a normal occurance. Next to the slow creation earth does I would also allow the way faster energetic manifestation through intent, focus and magic. 

For me, I would just be enjoying myself out there ... running the forests in wolf form, flying the skies in eagle or dragon form, swimming the oceans in dolphin form, walking the roads in human or elf form. I'd be meeting far travelled beings with interesting stories to tell from far far away.

My earth would be a hotspot for space travellers, a hothouse for inspiration and creativity and possibilities, an open and curious place ... with free coffee and cookies for everyone :-)

sam bluebell's coffees

review 2014 - what I want 2015

before I forget it ...

no, more like before I talk myself out of it :-) ...
because this year is different when looking back at the end of the year. Normally, ok, last few years when I looked back, I couldn't see anything, just same old, same old. Oh but this year, the changes are sooo very visible. Just thinking about the place I have been in a year ago and where I am now ... JUST YES!! MORE OF IT!!

So a year ago I was sick and ill, burned out and so very tired. I am not at 100% yet and still a little sick, but I feel good. My body is full of energy, I can move, I can ride the bike and push If I need to. I can go a whole day without taking a nap again! I still sleep a lot, way more than other people, but who cares? I am so very grateful for the changes in my body and health this last year.

Furthermore I am soooo unbelievably grateful for my decision to move back into my own apartment. I left the big city behind .. duh .. best decision ever! Mountains close and visible, woods and a lake around the corner and everything is slower, more relaxed here.

native creative - Untersberg

No more shared bathroom and kitchen either! I can close the door behind me and just be. Two rooms just for me!!! .. and a parking spot that waits for me every time :-)

Due to my health issues I did not work for the better part of this year. I am back working part time since fall and it is so much more loving than the job I worked before. Oh, and I am back at university finishing my aported studies.

I am grateful for all of the above, for the changes I created in my life.

What do I want to create in the coming year?
What do I want more of?

First, I want more time with my friends! They obviously did not move with me and I miss them a lot.

Second, I think it is really time for some kissing and snuggling and holding hands. Oh, and dancing!! Yes I definitely want more of that :-) This area of my life has been barren for quite some time now and I can see some changes and green growth now. I am excited about it .. YES PLEASE - MORE!

Those are the big two. Apart from that I want EASE with me and everything and everyone. To work with ease, to study with ease, to take exams with ease, to get even healthier with ease, and to earn more money than I need with ease.

Last the one, that drives me, the fuel to my motor ... FREEDOM .. I want to be free. I always wanted to be free. So I want to be free-er this coming year. I want to feel more freedom than ever before. I want to feel free-er than ever before. I want to be free to be more me than ever before.

native creative - xmas me

last life on earth

before I forget it ...

I was just inspired by Adamus/ Crimson Circle to pretend that this is my last life on earth. What would be different? What would I do differently?

LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST!!                  and                        Enjoy the hell out of it :-)

native creative - jump and fly

•  Honestly, I would be way more spontaneous and shake my boodie when I feel like it or sing aloud on the street - along to the music in my headphones or singing in my head.
• I would wear the purple hat every day I feel like wearing it.
• I wouldn't get kids, 20 years of brood care? not worth it. If I feel in need of kid's time and play, I would just borrow one and the parents would be happy too.
• I wouldn't care about building and establishing something or leaving something behind when I die, what for? I am gone and not coming back!
• I wouldn't care about serving earth or doing something important either.
• I wouldn't care much about repercussions, about tomorrow or the day after. 
• I would do everything that makes me feel alive like speeding down the highway, reading through the night, kissing a stranger. 
• I wouldn't hide in the basement or the shadows. 
• I would grab the lead role on my stage, take out my sword and turn on my light to the max. Everyone who doesn't like it, well, get the hell out - I don't have time to dilly-dally and comfort your fear.
• I would take more risks, take higher risks and just plain go for it. 
• I wouldn't protect my heart as much as I do now. 
• I just wouldn't take is personally, shake it off and move on. No? well, your loss.  
• I wouldn't be the easy and light version of myself, I am a fire dragon, they are meant to be big and powerful and a presense felt when in the room. If you can't deal with a dragon, get lost and get yourself a mouse.
• I would be authentic and unreasonable all the time, hop and skip down my life with 90 still and use the middle finger to collect all my trophies. 

native creative - upside down

• Oh, and I would laugh so very much because I would find everything so funny and hilarious.

I would go easily when the time comes because I would have lived my life fully ... instead of fearing death every day and letting it steal my life every day a little more.