soul retrieval

before I forget it ...

I am about to have another soul retrieval, this time about a virus I had at age 6, which changed my life completely. I just wasn't the same after. If I was vibrant and alive before, I was a ghost after, contained and dead. I was a shadow of my former self.

I was unconscious for a few hours, my mother can't remember exactly. I was at the hospital for a while and missed school a lot.

I tried to go there like 7 years ago in a focusing exercise but all I got was unending black.

Now I am having nightmares for days already. I am always a child and mostly at my parents' house.

Soul retrieval is a shamanic "method". In the shamanic world view it is believed, that if you have a traumatic experience, a part of you (now mostly called aspect) will "take" that incapacitating experience away from you so you stay functional. The part that leaves with that incapacitating experience stays in that experience. It can not solve/heal/transform/release it by itself. That part of you is frozen in that experience, in the emotions of that experience. to release it from its frozen state, it has to come back to you. By coming back, it brings all of that experience with it, all the emotions, feelings, everything that it took away in the first place. Why you want that part back? Because each part has an ability and with it leaving, you lost that ability.

The shaman is the second stage of healing. After an traumatic incident comes the medicin man and deals with the body. When the body is healed the shaman comes and deals with the soul aspects. After that the patient is understood as "healed". Shamanic tradition says only shamans can bring back aspects and lost soul parts with the exception of a blessed moment of GRACE, when it happens by itself. 

Just to be clear, I am not a shaman and this is how I understand it.

In the last years other "methods" of dealing with lost parts came into being. Most of them use breath as the conduit and it is based and being able to do it yourself and that the lost aspects are ready to come back.

My personal experience over the years is, that the aspects come back by themselves. More like the swarm you and you get swallowed under a wave of them. I had to learn to not let them terrorrize me and I sometimes fall into that trap still. Most of them have been in that place for a very long time and it does not matter if they stay there for a few more now moments. But not all find the way back without help. This is were my friend comes in and helps me.

so, I am ready to forget all this because I will just BE and ENJOY the care of a friend.